My So Called (Adult ) Life

So, here I am. I finally got my shit together long enough to actually move out and rent a room that I can call my own. I make my own money, I buy my own stuff, I drive myself pretty much wherever I need . So, Why do things feel so weird? When I moved out, I was excited to have my own life and freedom, but now, for some reason. when I am left alone with my own thoughts things become a bit too real for me. I have to worry about bills and how I am going to get to work. I have to worry about school and bettering my life so that I can have a career and a good life someday.  And yet, I am reminded of how little I  truly have to concern myself with and feel lucky. for some reason though, I live in slight dread thought that I really only have lower to go from here. As life goes on, things are just going to get even more treacherous and playing this death defying game is only going to go so far until a loose rock under my foot causes the final fall and off the cliff I go. No, this is not some stupid or depressing suicide note that I am leaving. I am just trying to find that balance in life and am trying to find it somehow in the letters I type in this page. I know that while life itself can get bit shaky and scary, there will be some point along the way that will be the foot hold I will need to steady myself so I can keep going. It's like climbing a rock wall. It takes time and at that exact moment it is hard to find that right footing you need to continue on, but eventually, you find that little bump that your foot can grab onto and you can keep going. Right now I am only at the bottom of the rock wall and while there is a log way to go, there is always going to be those cushy matts at the bottom so if I fall I will get right back up.